One of the most crucial stages of the 'online dating process' is when you contact another member of your dating site for the first time or the first time you respond to someone who has contacted you.
Our first and most important piece of advice about the first time you contact a single man or woman from your dating site: KEEP IT SHORT! That's right, one of the most common online dating mistakes is to send another member of your dating site some long-winded email. Just think how you would sound if you went up to this person in a bar and said exactly what you just wrote.
For one thing, you would probably be talking for five minutes straight (or longer). Don't you think you might come across as somewhat of a psycho? Suppose you initiated this contact by emailing a member of your dating site who you were interested in a two-page email. It just might make you sound a little obsessed, don't you think? Can you say stalker! And suppose you responded to someone who contacted you first with just such a lengthy first email. Well, don't you think you might come across as a little desperate? Neither of these results is desired.
Look, a lengthy first email usually does more harm than good, in our opinion by making the person who sent it sound, either, obsessed, desperate or just a little nuts. No matter how witty you think you are, try to save all the long conversations for your first date!
Now that we know to keep any written communication shorter rather than longer, let's take a look at the best way to accomplish this by answering two simple questions.
What is the best way to contact another member of your online dating site to make the best first impression you can?
This question has to do with when YOU are initiating contact. First, include something in your email that let's the other person know you have read their profile. Perhaps, a short comment on a hobby they mentioned. Without this, your email may come across as a 'form letter' that gets sent to many other members and is not unique. This is especially important when a guy is contacting a girl. Some guys simply send generic emails to many women (which is basically spam) so to avoid having YOUR email viewed as spam, personalize it a little by commenting on a point or two in her profile. The same goes for when a woman is contacting a man, mention something that allows the recipient to know you've taken the time to read his profile. Again, keep it short!
Also, mention a few key points about yourself in order to provide some description of who you are so that you are not perceived as some anonymous person from the same online dating site. Give the other person some insight into your personality.
What is the best way to respond to an online dating member who has contacted you?
This question has to do with when someone else is initiating contact with you and you are responding to that person.
Take the time to read the email sent you you. Try to determine if the sender has read your profile and is really interested in some of the things you had to say. Determine where there might be common interest. This last idea is important because you can later use these points or topics of common interest to further communication with the other person, as you'll see below.
Now that you've done the above, do not simply respond, "Hey, Thanks!" (Unless you are not interested in the sender and want your dialogue to end right here). There is no quicker way to kill communication than by providing just such a response. So, assuming you may be interested in this person, thank them for contacting you. Point out that you have read their email and comment on some of the things they said to you. Ultimately, respond with a question to keep the dialogue going. This is very important because it provides an easy way for the initial sender to respond back and keep the two-way communication going. Just think, without a question (i.e. without inviting any future response), what would the initial sender do next? That's right, probably give up.
Suppose you responded, "Hey Thanks for the email. You sound cool!" Now, what? What is the initial sender supposed to think or do? Respond, not respond, or what? Contrast that with, "Thanks for contacting me, it sounds like we have a few things in common, do you also like (insert whatever food, music, hobby, or activity here)?" This provides the initial sender an opening to respond back to you (by answering your question) and a casual way to keep the dialogue going until you each determine if you are compatible and would possibly like to meet. Always try to provide a way to make it easy for the other person to continue talking to you.
Conclusion
So, to make a good first impression when YOU are contacting another online dating member, do the following:
- Keep your initial email short
- Make sure to comment on something in that person's profile to let them know you have taken the time to read their profile
- Say a few things about yourself
And to make a good first impression when responding to someone who has contacted you, try to remember:
- Take the time to read the email that was sent to you before responding
- Keep your response short, but not so short that you basically kill the opportunity for future communication
- Respond politely and in such a way that it will be easy for the initial sender to respond back again in order to foster a continuing dialogue. The best way to do this is by asking a question or two to which the initial sender can respond.
